He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
