best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
