Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
