So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Randomize
