I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
