Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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