i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
