best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
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