I faked an abortion last night.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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