My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
