think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
did i just pee glitter
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Randomize