how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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