why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
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