Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
