Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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