Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
