I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
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