So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
