I just saw a hot homeless man
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
