You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
