Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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