honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
