Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
