Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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