I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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