shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
