Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
