I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize