I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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