U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I'm sobbing to NWA
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
