well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
