im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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