she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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