fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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