It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Even the bartender felt bad for me
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Randomize
