I will die if light touches me.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
