Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
kristin has been a bad kristin
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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