im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
