I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
