Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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