Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Welp...herpes.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
