Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
