And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
