it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
