a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
