I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
