I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
