you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
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