I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
