is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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