It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
