It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
We named our party play list daddy issues
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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