she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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