i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
you mean i was at the winter classic?
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
