I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
