Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
