Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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