the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
