waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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