Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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