I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
