he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Houston, we have a blender
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
