So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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