At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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