I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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