So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
