yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
