I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
