If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
