I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
