I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
We're not piercing ourselves today.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
