Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
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