She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
