When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
