??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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