I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
