True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
