Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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