Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
