Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
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