I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
