nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
