About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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