Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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