why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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