I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
