The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Randomize
