why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
And then my night got REAL pukey
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
