Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
