I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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