It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
i out mim tonsoeep
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