dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
The convent might be a nice break from real life
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
