meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
