girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
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