Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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