we're chasing vodka with high fives
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
