I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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