9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
