just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
